an attempt to tip the scales.

Forgiveness is never easy. Bitterness is easy, Hatred is easy. But forgiveness, that is a tough one. Sometimes people say things they don't mean or do things they can't take back. .We're all afraid of something. But in the face of that fear, i had an epiphany..... What i have done is who i am. But what i have done is not who i will be.. Unburden yourself from the mistakes of the past. And when you do, your heart grows stronger. But it doesn't mean that what you have done is forgotten and what you have done remembers. If you could go back and change one thing about your life, would you? And if you did, would that change make your life better? Or would that change ultimately break your heart? Or break the heart of another? Or would you choose an entirely different path? would you change just one thing, just one moment? One moment, that you've always wanted back. But in the end, I think our biggest regrets are not for the things we did -- but, for the things we didn't do. Things we didn't say that could've saved someone that we care about. Some of us escape the pain of regret by making the right choice. Some of us have little time for regret because we're looking forward to the future. Sometimes we have to fight to come to terms with the past, and sometimes we bury our regret by promising to change our own ways. There are many who couldn't ever understand, and sometimes I would walk among them. But even in those darkest hours, I knew in my heart, that someday it would return to me. And my world would be whole again. And my belief in god and music and love and art would be reawakened in my heart. And for the first time, in a long time, I feel like it has. And it made me wonder.... do we make the moments of our lives? Or do the moments of our lives make us?

Best friends.

I went and hung out with my friend Mandy the other day, gave her and her mom a Tarot card reading.
Her boyfriend Garrett called, and they ended up fighting so she was on her cell most of the time, but it was still so nice to see her.
I ended up watching Toy Story 3 with her 2 year old daughter Allura. I absolutely ADORE this little girl. She is only two and is already so smart!

She went over to her toy chest, and pulled out a really creepy porcelain doll, and walked over to me and said "This reminds me of you, Kassi, cause I know you hate dolls." and put it on my lap, and got up on the couch and sat next to me. I tried to put the doll over by her, and she said "This is for you." I just started laughing. We ended up playing with wooden spoons, and were acting like we were sword fighting with them, and I was trying really hard not to hit her with them too hard because I didn't want her to get hurt. She was having so much fun with this for some reason, which was really funny to watch. Even though she almost gave me bloody knuckles a couple of times. She is the cutest little girl, her laugh is the most adorable sound I've ever heard. She totally made my day.

On the way home, I started thinking about how crazy it is the impact that one person can have such an impact on your life. Mandy has been such an amazing friend to me, and came into my life at a time when I was struggling with trying to figure out who my real friends were. I am so grateful and blessed to have such an amazing group of friends and family who are always there for me no matter what the situation, and without judgement.







Me and Mandy.

LIKES AND INTERESTS. RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME THAT NO ONE PROBABLY CARES TO KNOW.

I am a huge Kardashian fan, me Kenzie and Brady used to watch it every week when they were living in the apartment downstairs, and I miss it!
Me and my sisters always say "Which one would you be?" and I feel like I would be Khloe. She is really insecure about her body image, which is a feeling I know all too well. One of my favorite episodes is where she did an ad for Peta "I'd rather go naked then wear fur." She didn't want to pose and was self concious about putting the ad out but it really touched home with me because the message behind it was just loving who you are, and being comfortable in your own skin. One of the reasons why I love the kardashians is because it reminds me of my family. They aren't perfect, but in the end no matter what they are always there for each other. They really are a loving family and have a close relationship. Which is something that I am so grateful to have with my family, as well.



Khloe's picture for the ad.

A new music must for me.... Concrete Blonde. Their lyrics are always so amazing, and put together. With catchy hard beats, and riffs. I found out
about this band from the show LA Ink. Kat Von D always used to talk about Janets music, and I finally downloaded some of it and fell in love with it.





CRIMINAL MINDS is such an amazing show and is something that I've been sucked into lately. it is about a BAU unit through the FBI. They profile the behavoir of serial killers, arsonists, abductions, etc. I have a major crush on Matthew Gray Gubler, who plays Dr. Spencer Reid in the show. He is a really good artist and director. He also played Simon in the remake of Alvin and the chipmunks; a movie from my childhood.



Matthew Gray Gubler.
Here is some of his paintings he's done, that I love.





Paget Brewster, she plays Prentiss off of the CM show. Her character always picks her nails. Which is something that I do, too!



A weird one by MGG that I don't know why I like.


I also love the show One Tree Hill. I have watched it since I was 14 and have seen every episode.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am scared/creeped out by the three following things: Clowns, Vantrillequist dummies, and spiders.

I am really impatient, I hate school zones, traffic, and crossing gaurds. I also hate when people let their little kids scream in public places, noisy cars, little dogs ESPECIALLY Schnauzers. My favorite kind of dog is Pitbulls.

I have a really weird sense of humor. I laugh when people fall or get hurt, (Probably the reason why I love Jackass so much.)

I am a really forgiving person. It is hard for me to hold a grudge, even if someone hurts me badly. Which is a good thing, and a bad thing. Sometimes I feel like a pushover, I don't like confrontation, and getting into fights. It has been hard for me to stand up for myself sometimes when it is someone that I care about.

I love drummers, (epsecially Travis Barker) and seeing live music. I am looking forward to seeing a lot of my favorite bands this summer, and I am so glad they are coming to SLC! One thing I love about going to shows is that a million strangers bond over one thing: Their love for the same music.

I love tattoos, marilyn monroe, red lipstick, accents, art, writing, music, good books, rainy days, long drives, singing, history, qoutes, etc.
I love fashion, weird ideas, random objects, tarot cards, and open minds.

I grew up on the bands Good Charlotte, Blink 182, Green Day, The Used, and Eminem. Their music will always have a place in my heart. The first cd someone ever gave me was Britney Spears Hit me baby one more time. The first cd that I bought with my own money was Avril Lavigne's album Let Go. Avril was the first concert that I ever went to, I went with my friend Brittney.



My dream job would be to own my own record label, to sign bands. I also hope to become a published writer and I am working on lots of little projects that I hope to turn into something worth reading. I want to write something meaningful.


I have a really big imagination, and I creep myself out very easily.

I want to travel EVERYWHERE. I've always had a fascination with London, and Italy.

The Big Bang Theory is my absolute favorite TV show. I have all seasons on DVD and watch them all the time.
The nerds are so loveable, relateable, and hiliarious.


My dream car would be a 1963 black Comet Convertible.

My favorite fictional characters are Carrie Bradshaw, and Miranda Hobbs from Sex and The City.

My favorite actors are Adam Brody, and Johnny Depp

My favorite movies are The Runaways, The Hangover, Girl Interrupted, and Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind.

My favorite comedian is David Spade.

My favorite actoress's are Dakota Fanning, Wynona Ryder, and Kate Winslet.

My favorite director is Tim Burton and Wes Craven. I love horror movies. My favorite is The Strangers.

My favorite books are probably Harry Potter and the Twilight series. I've read them all SO many times.

G- unit.

my parents dog, Gunner. I have been trying to spend as much time with him as possible, and the more that I do the more that I see how loveable his personality is. He always cheers me up and can make me laugh when I'm in a bad mood. He is an outside dog, but the other night I brought him into my room and let him sleep inside becuase it was so cold, I was bored and took some pictures of him. Which is very hard to do because he doesn't sit still. He hasn't grasped the picture taking concept yet.



Him in Brady's beetlejuice wig. It was so funny watching his reaction to the wig, and trying to take this picture. He was not happy about it!

I baby sat Allura yesterday for the first time since she was a newborn.
It actually went pretty good. I was nervous she was going to be one of those bratty kids you babysit and the whole ti me, you're just waiting for their parents to get back. But it wasn't like that at all.

We were sitting at the computer, and she saw one of my pictures on Facebook, pointed to it and she said
"Kassi, pretty, kassi." haha it was so cute. At least she knows who I am!

I was bored when she was watching Spongebob sqaure pants, so I tried to take some pictures of us with my phone, even though they didn't turn out that great.





I like this one cause she's hiding my face. haha... she was trying to grab my phone.

I always say how I don't like kids. But I know deep down that's a lie.
or, maybe Allura is the exception. she's my favorite lil monster.

You be the anchor that keeps my feet on the ground, and I'll be the wings that keep your heart in the clouds.

I finally got my anchor! I am soo excited. It's so weird to actually look down on my leg and see it there, since I've wanted this tattoo since I before I started working at Retribution which was two years ago.

The healing process of tattoos SUCK. Imagine the worst sunburn you've ever had... times a hundred.
It's always burning, peeling, and itching. And it is sooo hard not to pick at it. haha. But the one thing Larry (he is the owner of Retribution, and was my boss.) taught me was how to take care of tattoos.

I consider this my first "Real" tattoo. It's the only one that I have that has some kind of personal meaning to me.It reminds me of stability. And it reminds me to not become my own anchor, and hold myself down - or to let anyone else hold me down.
The one on my shoulder reminds me of my mom, because she picked it out. that was my first tattoo.The one behind my ear reminds me of my friends, because we were all together at Karissa's when I got it done. that was my second tattoo. But that's why I love those two tatoos, they remind me of people that I love. And no matter where I go, or who I become, I'll always have a part of them with me.




Today is Shae's birthday. I've been thinking about her all day since I woke up. And one thing that her death has taught me was to not take my friends or family for granted. And how important it is to tell the ones who matter to you that you love them, because you never know when you might lose them, or when they might lose you.

I think about her a lot, and I still feel her around sometimes. At least, I like to think it's her instead of me just being crazy. I don't know what comes next after this life, but I am finally ready to start living mine. Letting go of people who've hurt me and don't appreciate me, working hard, and trying to be a good friend, daughter, and sister. I'm done wasting my time with the past! And I am looking forward to what the future will bring... no regrets. :)

Halloween 2010.

Tonight was so much fun! And over all in general it was a pretty good day.

I went shooting with my dad and his side of the fam, it was the first time I'd shot a shotgun, so I was horrible at hitting the shells. I have bad aim, I've decided. But it was fun to try something new. And it was good to see the garner side of the family, even though seeing them makes me miss my Grandma more.





I love my family so much, and I am so grateful to have a close relationship with my brother and sisters.

For Halloween I went to a show with Mandy, to Burt Tiki's Lounge in Salt Lake to see my friend Shane's band DieMonsterDie. They're a horror/punk band, and they did soo good!

My ears are still buzzing from their show, Shane is the drummer and I told him I want him to teach me how to play, and I want the singer to teach me how to scream like the punk rocker singers do. Shane invited me to come into the recording studio with them one day, and I am seriously considering it! It was a costume party there, so a lot of people were dressed up including the members of DMD who wore masks. Mandy was a zombie version of Red Ridinghood.And I was Beetlejuice. [Thanks for letting me borrow the costume, Brady! ;] ] For some reason I was really nervous about meeting the band dressed as Beetlejuice, I felt soo weird being dressed up. But as soon as I walked in, they started saying " Beetlejuice, beetlejuice, beetlejuice..." and told me how "badass" the costume was, and I even got two free Long Island Iced Tea's from the singer of DMD. (I love being 21. haha.) So the compliments made me feel less insecure about being dressed up and made me feel more comfortable at the show and not so out of place.





Me and Mandy.


Me, Shane, and Mandy.




DieMonsterDie. Kind of a bad picture, but it was really dark.



The singer of the band, 'zero'. His mask is creepy, and even creepier in person.